Hermione's Letters
by Jenna Black
Summary: Rewritten on January 5, 2006. Hermione has deiscovered the way to defeat Voldemort, but she must do it on her own. This story is her preparing for that final night, and saying goodbye.


Hermione's Letters  
Rewrite January 5, 2006  
By Jenna Black  
Timeline: This takes place in their final year at Hogwarts, but only contains things from up to forth year. Should be considered AU after that point.

Tears stung my eyes as I sat at my desk, but I blinked them back. It wasn't time to cry yet, there would be enough of that later. I glanced down at my watch, and saw that it was already 2:30 am. That meant I only had three more hours. Three more hours to say goodbye to everyone on paper; three more hours to say goodbye to my life. The package containing the letters had just been labeled, and I had some of the lesser letters taken care of. Now it was just time for the hard ones. There was no denying I needed a break, for a little while at least. Standing up and stretching slowly, I thanked God that I had my own room; one of the perks of being Head Girl. Walking slowly around, I found myself drawn to the stairway leading to my own little balcony. Half-way up Gryffindor Tower, I could see all the good views - Hagrids hut, the Lake, and a good chunk of forest. On the clearest winter nights I can even see the lights of Hogsmeade.

I look up at the sky, and see that the moon is almost full. "I see the moon and the moon see's me" I sung under my breath. It was the beginning to a nursery song I've known since childhood. My mother used to sing it to me to get me to sleep. "The moon see's the one, that I want to be. So God bless the moon, and God bless me. And God bless the one, that I want to see." At the end of the song I closed my eyes, and finished the second part of the childhood ritual. I gathered up all of my thoughts and emotions and cast them to the moon. A fairy tale from childhood pops into my head. My fairy tales were always changed to incorporate the moon.

"Once upon a time there was a princess who was in love. She loved a prince deeply, but before they could ever admit their love; the bad man came and put them in danger. Having no choice, the princess gave herself to save the prince. She could not say goodbye, so she left letters instead. No one knows what really happened to the princess; but that she disappeared one night, and in the morning the world was safe." I smile at the end of the story, even through the tears streaming down. The story of my childhood is the story of my life.

With one last deep breath I throw all of myself up to the moon. When I am done I am calmed and centered. I turn around and walk back to my desk. With a deep breath I begin to write my goodbyes…

_Dear Everyone,_

_By now I am sure my disappearance will have been noticed. I am not missing, I am exactly where I mean to be, and of my own free will. You see, free will is basically the only thing I have. I need to explain what I have done. In a book found in one of this castle's changing rooms, I figured out how to stop Voldemort. The only problem was how it must be done. The difficulties involved with it have made it so few magical persons would be able to actually succeed. The mechanics of the spells are not important, but the endpoint point is this: My spirit will be attached to Voldemort's; to escort it back to hell and make sure it stays there. My soul will still exist, but it will be left in limbo. I will not join you all in heaven, not until the end of the world. One of the tricks of the spell is that the person casting the spell be complete willing. I can't live with myself sending someone else to their death, so I must go to mine. I don't know how to say goodbye in person without losing my nerve; so I'll just say goodbye here, and now. I love you all, and I hope you all go on to lead full, happy lives. It is the only thing that makes me able to do this. I guess I will see you around someday._

_Love Always,  
Hermione_

_PS I have also enclosed personal letters to specific people._

After that letter was finished I grabbed my photo-book, and started flipping. The pages came to rest on a picture or the Weasley family, huddled together in the kitchen, just after a meal. The smiles were contagious, and I felt myself smiling along as well. The photo-book was muggle black and white, but I could still see the beat of the kitchen, and the flame of the hair. Taking up my quill, I began again.

_Dear Weasleys,_

_Thank you. Thank you for giving me the family I never expected to have in the magical world. You gave me the family I dreamed about whenever I was alone at Hogwarts; you showed me what it was like to not be alone. I wish I could let you know what you mean to me in something other than a letter, but all I can say is I love you all. My brothers, and sister, and father, and mother. Live your lives well, and know that great things are expected of you. Don't ever forget your past; but never stop looking to the future, I'll see you there._

_Always,   
Hermione_

After the letter was done I took both completed so far, put them in their envelopes, and added to the pile of finished letters. Turning the page of the book, the next picture is one of the Shrieking Shack; with Harry, Ron, and I gathered in front of it. I was in the center as always, and there was a shaggy black dog in front of us. The only one missing form the picture was Remus. Those two have played such a part in my life; I couldn't leave without any words. Another breath and I began writing again.

_Dear Lupin and Snuffles,_

_I know we didn't know each other that well, and that our lives didn't really intersect all that much. But you were very important to me. Remus, you were the teacher I always wanted; smart, kind, generous and patient. Sirius, you felt like the oldest brother I never knew I wanted. Thank you for all you have done, and I know it's a lot asking favors of you when you've done so much. Please look after the boys; they won't do so well without me at first. Remind them of what it is like to mourn, and move on. Get them smiling again._

_Love,  
Hermione_

The quill rested in its bottle and the letter joined the others in the pile. I knew I only had three letters left. The hardest ones. I turned the page in the photo-book to one of the ones that hurt the most. It was my mother and father and I; and we were seated in a loveseat in the living room back home. I was on the cushion, sitting with my father, and my Mom was standing behind us, her hands on the back of the couch. They had nurtured me and raised me, and released me when it was time for me to go. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be where I was; or doing what I had to do. With another breath, and one more tear, I began.

_Dear Mom and Dad,_

_Let me start with saying I love you. Please don't think this is your fault, it is my destiny; one that you couldn't have avoided for me. You sent me to Hogwarts and let me live my life, and let me chose my course. All of me is part of you, never forget that. Within you is all of me, and we are connected forever. Please don't mourn me; I couldn't have chosen a better end for myself than this. You were the best parents a girl could ever hope for. Thank you._

_All of my love,  
Hermione_

After the letter had been sealed and addressed; I stretched in the chair but didn't get up. The night was tiring, and it was well on its way to morning. Flipping my photo-book one more time, I came to the end of it. It was a picture of Harry, Ron, and I taken on Halloween. I don't know who took the picture though I have my suspicions with the Creevey Kid. We are sitting around the fire in our normal seats, and everything is normal; except for the clothes. That night there had been a ball held; we were dressed to the nines and all looked wonderful. It seems I am always in the middle of those two, and when I think about that it is fitting. I am the middle one; that keeps things running and never attaches too much to one. I get a little melancholy at the thought I had never explored the option of dating one of them, but it would have hurt the other too much, and that was a chance I could not take. I bring the pictures up to me chest and hold them there tightly; it was time for me to write my last letters.

_Dear Harry and Ron,_

_So long, and thanks for all the fish? I don't know how to say goodbye to the two of you. You were such a strong part of my life and the only friends I could depend on. You made me human, and kept me sane. I was so alone; those first few months. I thank the day that troll attacked; I don't know how I would have survived much more aloneness. Neither of you blame yourselves – we were part of a team. And it's fitting that I am the one to destroy Voldemort. Harry, you broke his body when you were young; and Ron you gave your health to make me better after the attack last year. I haven't done anything; until now. As I'm writing this letter dawn is approaching on my last day at Hogwarts, and my last day with you two. Thank you for a wonderful day, and for a wonderful friendship that will go on, even after I'm gone. Don't let the world get to you two. Stay strong and live. No tears, and no regrets._

_Love Always  
Hermione_

Now that that letter was complete, I sealed it and added it to the pile. I grabbed a ribbon from my desk drawer and bundled them together. The last letter was not part of this group; it was a personal letter meant for one. If I had dated either of my boys, it would have been Harry. My heart still lingers on the one time we kissed. I thank my lucky stars for that; even if it was a setup. Strengthening my resolve I sit down, grab the quill; and lose myself in thoughts.

_The Troll attacking us…_

_Waking form the petrification and wondering where you were…_

_The Shrieking Shack on that horrible night…_

_The Yule Ball and seeing both of your jaws drop…_

_Potions class that day we had to make the talking potion…_

_Snapes face when the talking potion made us call him a nasty bugger…_

_The month of detention for calling him nasty bugger…_

And then my mind shifted to the more mundane things…

_Watching both the boys sleep through History of Magic…_

_Dinner in the great hall…_

_The train rides to and from the castle…_

_Tea at Hagrids hut…_

_Walking around the great lake…_

_The fireplace and our spot in the common room…_

We had a wonderful life together the three of us. I look down ands see that in my ponderings; my letter has written itself. Reading it over carefully, I see I agree with everything written, not sure if I could have done a better job if I was cognizant. With a sigh, I kiss the bottom, taking care to not smudge the ink, and carefully place it in its envelope. This one is different, and goes on the bottom of the stack. All the previous letters will be mailed together; it is only this one that will be received the following night, when the addressee is alone.

I look out the window, and see the pinkness of dawn covering the world. It has taken me all night to write these letters, and now I just sit and watch the sunrise for a short while. When the pinkness starts to fade and the blue begins to return, I rise form my chair and go to my dresser, feeling very sad. I had made my choice and these were my only options, but it still didn't change the fact that it hurt. I would never wish on anyone what I must do; and yet I still would not trade it. All I had to do now was go to bed, but I won't sleep until one last thing is done. Looking out the window, I see the moon, shining in the light of the sun and pray to it to give me strength.

I open the third drawer down. Inside I keep all of my sweaters and fleeces, and a box I couldn't bring myself to open until this night. It is a package from my grandmother, forwarded through my parents. I could tell it was special the moment it arrived. I bring it over to my bed and sit down gently. On examining the package, I can feel the ridges that mean it is several packages and a letter. Gently prying the outer wrapping from its contents; I pull the letter out first.

_Dear Hermione,_ it read.

_As I am writing this your mother is twittering about the house with her hand on her stomach, unable to believe for even a moment that you're real. You're due to grace us with your presence in just over a week and none of us are prepared. But we love you little girl; more than anything in the world. You are going to lead an extraordinary life, and I can't wait to see it. This letter is to reach you around your 18th birthday, and in it you will find some things very special to my heart. A locket; to keep all the secrets of you heart safe. My engagement ring; it is only tin and glass, but it shows you what can happen when you believe. An old family heirloom that won't make any sense to you, but just trust that it is important. It shows the possibility's that exist. I can tell your going to go through something big around this time, and I hope these can help you. Your mother doesn't know this; but I do… you are going to be a great person. But great people must make tough choices, and my final item in the package is a charm bracelet to help you with that. I had it as a child; to help me show my course. It has the sun to light your way when things are dark, the star to light your way when they are bright. A moon to cast your hopes, dreams, and sorrows on, a compass to find your way, and a drop of pure gold, to match the purity in your heart. These are the only gifts I can offer you, but I am sure you will do wonders with them. I love you baby girl, and looking at your mother now; I can't wait to meet you._

_Love,  
Grandma_

_P.S. As I'm writing this subscript, you're one day old, and a beautiful healthy girl; that couldn't wait for your due date to arrive._

As I gently folded up the letter, I tried to process the feelings inside me. When I had first gotten the package, I had assumed it had been from my fathers mother; my mothers had been dead and gone since I was one. "All of these gifts," I thought "She knew something was going to happen to me before I was born. And she loved me." With trembling hands, I moved onto the package itself.

Reaching for the first box, I find a heart shaped locket inside, opened so I could see pictures of my mother and father within. I closed the locket, and when I held it up to the light discovered something. I could see my initials carved into the back; along with a crescent moon. I brought the locket up to my neck and put it on carefully; it would stay with me forever, and get me through my last day here. Calmed by the weight on my chest, I reach for the next box. Upon opening it, I find the engagement ring. It is obviously fake, but still beautiful all the same. A diamond in the rough; just like me. Grandma had wanted me to see the possibility's that existed when you followed your heart, when you have faith. With trembling hands I slid the ring onto my finger. Looking in the small jewel I could almost see my grandmother smiling in its shine.

I grab for the last small box and find the bracelet inside. It is beautiful, brilliantly detailed. The stars and sun practically sparkle, and the moon glowed. But my eyes were drawn to the compass at first; there were moving parts inside of it – to show me the way. I followed the direction the arrow was pointing and found myself looking at the gold drop. It shone with the suns first light playing across it; and was warm to the touch. Putting the bracelet on, I realize how much love was in my life. Solemnly, I reach for the odd shaped box. I was very long, and very thin. When I opened it, I was amazed by what I saw. A wand. "Of course it had never made sense to anyone in my family." I whisper, while flicking it back and forth. "It must have been many generations back that were magical." The wand feels strong in my hand, and the feeling I get casting Alohamora makes me feel wonderful. Then it hits me, and in the moment of casting that spell I knew it with all that was in me. I would leave this place tomorrow strong, with all of these items helping me. I would fight Voldemort.

And I would win.


End file.
